i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
