I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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