Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
