Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
