I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
