Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
