This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
