I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Randomize
