Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
