But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
