He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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