I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I want her autograph on my taint
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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