i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
