i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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