you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
