apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
