I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
