btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
