My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
