she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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