i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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