My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
