I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
