Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize