I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
