It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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