I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
