i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize