I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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