Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
nutella sex= disaster
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
