god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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