yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I have fence marks all over my body
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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