He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
