I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
