maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize