watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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