I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
