I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
It was confusing and full of hummus
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
