I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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