sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
