Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Just pee around me
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
