Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
