Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
