I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
