I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
