Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
