I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
