don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
