Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize