My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Randomize
