this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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