remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
