Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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