a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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