The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
