if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
