I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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