Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
