it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
