I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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