RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
