JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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