this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
