haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Do vagina's smell?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
