i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
