absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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