Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
