I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
