What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
